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Common Behaviors Continued

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Premeditated Positioning

I've found that many BDDers often try to sit in a certain, preplanned position. They will usually believe that one side of their body looks more attractive than the other, and will make an effort of putting their best foot forward, so to speak. If they are in a café, about to sit down with a friend for brunch, they will first try to find a table that is not placed underneath harsh lighting that might emphasize flaws. They will also take into account where other people are sitting, and where their friend will be sitting, and try to find a position that hides their unpreferred side. For instance, if they feel their chin is pointy, they will not want anyone in the café being able to see them from the side view, and they will not want their friend seeing them looking down. Therefore, the BDDer may choose to sit with ¾ of a profile showing to the outsiders and holding their head up high to the friend. Whatever the final decision is, you can always be sure that the calculations will be quite precise, almost bordering on scientific!

Models, Babes, and Porn, Oh My!

Oh, now we've come to a fun, common feature, that causes extreme embarrassment among most BDDers, but always gets a laugh when we really think about what we're doing. Thanks to the invention of the internet, many BDDers have optimized their comparing behaviors, and check out babes on the internet! I have not heard if any BDD guys do the same thing, but I've heard it amongst several BDD females. We will search everything from supermodels, to celebrities, to porn (it's the only way to find a naked female body if your BDD concern is your body proportions). We are highly embarrassed that somebody might catch us in the act, and many of us have had a fun time explaining our way out of such situations. We also know that people might make the assumption that we are homosexual. But, this is not the case. We are merely checking out other women, comparing ourselves to them, seeing how we match up. This sometimes leaves us feeling decent, as if we live up to the standards of being a normal human. But, usually, it leaves us feeling quite depressed, thinking we are homely and deformed, and creates the desire for us to continue looking up babes until we find one that makes us feel better again. If we find one that makes us feel better, we usually continue searching anyhow, and most often end up feeling deformed once again. It's an endless cycle. If a BDDer does not have an internet connection, they will be sure to perform this behavior by reading magazines, watching movies, or just checking out people on the streets. Most likely, they will only compare themselves with the people that have made themselves up for several hours and that are in optimal lighting.

Picking, Pulling, and Measuring

Other BDD behaviors that usually happen while we are participating in the mirror checking ritual are skin picking, feature pulling and pushing, and feature measuring. Skin picking can last for hours at a time, and usually is not related to any true skin problems such as acne. Several BDDers who pick at their skin used to have skin problems, but they have subsided since, yet they still feel as if their skin is flawed. They'll spend an inordinate amount of time, picking at tiny or nonexistent bumps on their faces or arms with their fingers, and poke at them with needles, tweezers, or other sharp objects. Sometimes, they will leave themselves with gashing wounds, and be so ashamed and embarrassed, that they will refuse to leave the house the next day. Skin picking can take place at any time during the day, but often, it will last up until the wee hours of the night, when everybody else is asleep. I've also noticed a tendency for BDD girls to always keep their eyebrows well groomed, which could also be related to this desire to pick at things. I often notice that BDDers pull and push the body parts of their obsession. If they dislike their nose, they may pull or push it, usually not in an effort to physically change it, but instead to see if they would look better had they been born with a different nose. If they find a position of nose that they desire, they will often come up with intricate plans of creating this nose by finding a plastic surgeon, briefing him on the exact details he needs to know in giving you the nose of your dreams. Most BDDers will not trust a surgeon to make the final decision in what would look good. They already have an idea of perfection in their minds, which will of course change over time, making it nearly impossible for a plastic surgeon to work on a BDDer and receive results that both parties are happy with. There is an endless amount of ways to change a face by pushing and pulling, and most BDDers will spend quite a bit of time during their day seeing how they'd look if their features were moved in different positions. Sometimes, they start to feel hopeless if they cannot push or pull their features into positions that look appealing, and will hurt themselves by being overly forceful out of frustration. It's not uncommon to wake up with a sore jaw if you've been experimenting too roughly with positions that would make your facial structure look more appealing. BDDers often measure their features, coming up with complex formulas related to correct human proportions. If they believe their face is long, they may take out a ruler and divide the face into thirds, making sure that the forehead, nose, and chin are all equal in length. If they find that they are equal, they'll assume that their face is not wide enough. If they prove it is wide enough, they'll come to the conclusion that it's lacking in depth. It's always a no win situation, and if they find positive evidence, they'll still be sure to form a negative conclusion. Such measuring sprees often occur after reading a book or magazine article, or watching a TV program about the correct human proportions, and they, for some reason, need to prove to themselves that they do not fit the standard of a normal human being. Once they prove this to themselves, they usually feel extremely depressed, and often experience a BDD attack.

Preoccupied Mind

Many people with BDD have a hard time relaxing and listening. Whenever they sit down to watch a movie or TV, or partake in a conversation, they start dwelling on their appearance concerns. Many times, this will lead to ritualistic mirror checking behaviors, and the inability to sit still. Sometimes it will be difficult to sleep, or listen in classes, or study if they cannot rid their mind of their BDD thoughts.

Perfectionism

Most BDDers seem to have a highly perfectionistic streak in several areas of their lives. If things do not meet up to their expectations, they can become extremely depressed. Most BDDers do not want to compete with anybody, and almost fear the idea of competition, yet find that they put themselves in competition, comparing themselves to everybody, and judging themselves by the strictest standards. Although I've heard from a few BDDers who judge other people as harshly as they judge themselves, I've found that most people with BDD consider every other person in this world attractive. Most even feel that the Elephant Man would be a step up in the looks department. For some reason, people with BDD have come to see themselves entirely different than other people, and believe that they are being judged on a different standard than normal humans. They also believe that others are judging them by the same standards that they're judging themselves, but do not judge anybody else this way.

Need for Reassurance

Probably the number one most complained about behavior from family and friends of a BDDer is the need for reassurance. Nearly every person with BDD will ask those close to them whether or not they look ok. We are not talking about asking once. Or even twice. BDDers will incessantly bring up the topic, asking over and over again, every time they change one thing about their appearance. For instance, if a girl with BDD decides to wash off her lipstick and replaces it with lipliner, she will most likely run to her mother, or anyone else that she trusts that is available, and a conversation very similar to the following will proceed: Daughter: "Do my lips look ugly?" Mother: "No, they don't look ugly." Daughter: "Are you sure they don't look ugly?" Mother: "Yes, they look fine." Daughter: "So, they don't look great, because if they did, they wouldn't look fine. So, they could look better?" Mother: "No, they look good." Daughter: "You're just saying that because you are my mother and you have to." Mother: "Don't you know how lucky you are?! You could have been born deformed!" Daughter: "Hmm, ok." (most likely, she's already plotted a new idea of what she could do with her lips to try to improve them, and is not listening to her mother anymore). Daughter exeunt. She runs to bathroom and experiments with other makeup because she feels both ugly, ashamed, and unconvinced that her lips looked fine. This is really an interesting behavior. It's definitely a no win situation. The problem is, the daughter is not truly worrying about her appearance. She thinks she is. You think she is. But, she could actually care less if she ended up being the next Pamela Anderson, modeling on magazine covers and posing for centerfold spreads. No matter how she looks, if she feels unaccepted, she will not be content. The problem is, most BDDers believe their problem is 100% physical. I've known many BDDers, including myself, that will admit they are the victim of this "imagined ugliness" disorder, but then shake their heads in total denial, claiming, "no, other people have BDD, but I'm just truly ugly!" This causes the BDDer to play a mental game of hot potato. She'll first throw out the idea that she's ugly. Then she remembers it's just imagined ugliness. Which can then turn into the idea that she's actually normal looking, and she doesn't realize how she thought anything different. Then, she becomes the twin of the elephant man that is doomed to a life of lonliness. Then she returns to the idea that she's just unattractive again! The mind can never rest. So no matter what a parent tells their child, the child's mind will still continue to dwell on other thoughts. On the advice page, you will find out the best ways to communicate with somebody going through a BDD episode.